Tag Archives: Self-Help

March 9, 2013 · 6:48 pm

Boundaries: If Your an Enabler, Don’t Cry When You Get Bit.


Aesop’s Fables records a story called the, “The Farmer and the Snake” that illustrates why boundaries are important to understand how to live life without rescuing people who may no be capable of rescue.

ONE WINTER a Farmer found a Snake stiff and frozen with cold. He had compassion on it, and taking it up, placed it in his bosom. The Snake was quickly revived by the warmth, and resuming its natural instincts, bit its benefactor, inflicting on him a mortal wound. “Oh,” cried the Farmer with his last breath, “I am rightly served for pitying a scoundrel.”

The greatest kindness will not bind the ungrateful [ self focused individuals].

A lesson to be learned here is that creating boundaries in life to regulate relationships and behaviors is a way to manage how much danger, pain, and dysfunction that you are going to experience in life.  We have boundaries at work, in business, on the highway, and even in the park, but somehow people believe that in relationships  everyone will always make the right decisions without clarifying the terms of relationship.

How Do We Get Into No-Win Situations Becoming an Enabler?

It may be hard to face, but enabling says something about the enabler that needs to be understood. People who are enablers think they are helping someone else when in reality they are creating a disability support system. It is magical thinking — a way of romanticizing life with the idealism that that denies the reality reality of  destructive patterns of behavior, irresponsibility, guilt, pain etc. The enabling parent, husband, wife-believes that somehow through these vicarious acts of rescuing and enabling that it will magically make it better.  It is like when a mother picks up her child and kisses the owee’ and magically all the pain disappears. It is a thinking problem that gets us into no-win situations.  In the core thought processes of the enabler there is a fundamental belief that this kind of thing happens to other people, but not to us– I am not like that–  believe the best about people, my family could not do anything like that. This attitude –thinking pattern– creates naivete’ about relationships that exposes your backside to the sharp teeth of the dog named fate –and when it happens, it is painful.

What Do Dogs Do in an Ideal World?

Like snakes ,when dogs are not kept on a leash and when there is not a understanding of how relationships will occur with individuals to regulate what can occur, it is an opportunity for disaster to happen naturally.  — and they do.  The problem with enablers is that they don’t believe ,snakes bite that dogs bark or pee on the corner of the sofa.  After all, they say, “my dog went to obedience school and knows better, he is a dog of high breeding.”  In an ideal world where people are perfectly balanced and have no dysfunction, family system problems, unresolved conflicts, or emotional baggage, people do not need to be on a leash, but we all know that snakes and dogs will always be true to their nature, no matter how pretty they are –too bad that life does not occur in a ideal world.

Translated by George Fyler Townsend. Aesop’s Fables (p. 19). Amazon Digital Services, Inc.

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December 23, 2011 · 5:19 pm

Finding Balance in Unbalanced Relationships: A Discussion about Conflicting Emotions.


GRL relationships

Think about relationships that you have with significant people in your life, what is the first word that comes to mind when you think of the people involved?  Is the word a reaction to how you feel about relationship or a descriptor of how interaction occurs between people?  Something to consider is whether others, in your world of relationships, would see your relationships in the same way that your mental image picture them.  If we are honest at this point, the reality is that everyone has problems at certain times in relationships and all families experience a certain level of malfunction at times.  One of the reasons is that we are feeling/emotive people and, at times,  our feelings distort perception of things occurring which results responses to perception that are charged with emotion and misinformation.  The result is reaction, unreasonable behaviors, conflict, and relationships that are fracture by misinformation, feelings out of control, and inappropriate responses.

It is difficult to use sound reasoning when events are charged with distorted emotional thoughts. 

Consider this question: Is it reasonable to believe someone who tells you that they love you, while at the same time that person in hateful, vindictive, and spiteful ways at the same time.  Obviously, behavior that is inconsistent with what a person tells to you is a strong indicator that something is out of sync in the relationship.  Unbalanced relationships are plagued with behavioral cues that tells the informed observer that this behavior indicates that relationships are unbalanced and lack appropriate boundaries.  This is especially true when there is love espoused, while at the same time the person is demonstrating toxic, damaging, or abusive behaviors toward the person who is the object of their love-hate relationship.  Many instances of this can be seen among  couples who engage in extra-marital affairs, i.e., this is a commonly demonstrated behavior.  The conundrum is that there is a professed love professed for the spouse, while a toxic behavior occurs toward the spouse, as well as, the overall relationship.  I think that everyone would agree that this constitutes an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship.  The idea that a person can love one person and at the same time  engage in a clandestine relationship suggests that there is a conflict of how emotions are understood and what love really means within a relationship.  Consequently, the person who confesses love and fails to demonstrate values consistent with love is action on a faulty presumption of how love is characterized between two people in a relationship.   Another way of understanding the unbalanced conflict of rational thinking about love is in filial relationships.  A question comes to the surface here: Can I love someone while secretly harboring resentment toward them, holding on to unforgiveness while at the same time, acting out passive- aggressive anger toward a friend or relative?  Quite often, people communicate that they are angry without ever saying it. What it reveals is an unhealthy pattern of relating to other when emotional conflicts occur.  It is abundantly clear is that relationships do get unbalanced, but if individuals want to have reasonable ways in life to manage the conflicting emotions felt and and potential for unhealthy patterns of relating; it means having healthy boundaries and effective ways to manage the unmanageable problem of unbalanced emotional responses must become a priority.

Crisis should bring people together and not keep them apart.

During changes in life stages and the unexpected stressors that are a part of life change many feelings come to the surface and individuals are often exposed to the possibility of facing conflicting emotions.  While struggling with what to do and managing unbalanced relationship issues that result from very normal life issues, people are face with real life choices that are at times very difficult.  For example, many who have lost a loved one deal with emptiness, grief over the loss, as well as feelings of isolation, which bring to the surface unrealized emotional expectations for themselves and others  For others, the season of change brings issues to the surface, which has been placed, on hold in the file of unresolved issues and unanswered questions.  Others are facing reassignment from military duty, the effects of the economy, loss of jobs– homes, which bring to the surface the emotional pain that people are experiencing because of the conditions of life  being experienced.

An emotional crisis is an opportunity to add positive value and resolution to relationships.

I remember a story that my dad used to tell about two brothers who had become angry at one another early on in life and had avoided each other, through most of life—both being unwilling to take a step toward reconciliation.  As the story goes, one of the brothers became deathly ill, was placed in the hospital—the other brother went to see him and because of the grave nature of the illness and the possibility of the brother dying, they agreed to bury the hatchet.  After talking and renewing the relationship, it was time to leave.  The brother who was sick, the patient in the hospital, said to departing brother; “by the way, if I live the feud is still on.” Unfortunately, many people cannot break away from the self-defeating behavior that creates a no win situation and feeds off of the feud, the conflict, and an inability to ever reconcile life in a healthy way.

Balancing relationships is about making the right choices for you.

The lived experience for many people is one fueled by conflicts that are unresolved and in fact, may never be solved.  Divorce, broken families, a family member in prison, poverty, child abuse, homelessness, and sickness are all deeply felt issues –the source of painful experiences that are a source for emotional conflict during the seasons of life.  At a time in life when conflicting emotions are magnified by natural events, it is  a perfect time for imbalance to erupt or a time to balance something that feels out of balance by making a choice to act on the felt experience of hopelessness. If we can wrap our head around the fact that even though life is very difficult that there is still hope to balance unbalanced relationships and embrace life with a hope that elevates life and those around us.  I do not know what you are experiencing in life, but if we can focus our thoughts Christ, who is our hope ; then  the peace that He can bring to life can bring balance to seems so out of balance in our experience of life.  Unfortunately, many people’s attention will focus around unbalanced relationships, what has been lost, or what is wrong with others and life.  Fortunately, hope for balance in the midst of conflict is possible through trusting in Savior who is larger than life and greater than problems.  When Christ comes to our life, it is not to abandon us in the moment of conflict or to magnify our failures; it is a happens to magnify the power of Christ to  bring freedom from a life without a balanced hope in the experiences of life. A relationship with Christ is a reminder that He gives us the opportunity, motive, and place to a be peacemaker.

Indeed, people can have the language right, the ritual right, but the reality is that our audio needs to match our video.  However, the crisis that we experience is what reveals who we are going to trust when life gets out of kilter.  An important thing to consider is whether our relationship with Christ is having an impact on the way we handle unbalanced relationships and experiences.   Is what we are saying –experiencing on the inside having a significant impact upon the lived experience of life?  It is good sometimes to just be confessional and stop denying what we feel because pushing down emotions, conflicts, and unresolved pain only pushes issues to the surface when stress is placed upon life.  The act of denying the reality of an internal condition guarantees an undesirable future prospect of artificial existence that will be characterized by the appearance of functionality.  Unfortunately, life will be expressed and may look good on the outside, but the inner dialogue of pain, frustration, and unbalanced emotions will influence life and relationships.

Exercising your options to make good choices starts with individual choice.

What is a person to do about the conflicting emotions and unbalanced relationships in life?  First, understand that there is only one person that you can change—the person that you see in the mirror each day.  Next, realize that it is not your responsibility to fix other people, change them, and you are not responsible for what others do or life they create.  Also, recognize that much of what people feel about disappointments in life stems from faulty expectations and misplaced trust.  Then, allowing people the grace to be who they are and work it out individually, releases others into God’s care to be who they are while still loving them– even though you may not agree.  Accepting others disappointing acts is not ratifying what has been done in a passive form of acceptance, it is allowing others to be free to choose what they do– placing responsibility for behaviors on the person making the choice.  Finally,say it, “I am not responsible, and it is not my fault”.

Is it possible to love someone and hate what they do, be in love with one person and maintain loyalty and admiration for others?  The answer depends upon you and how life is balanced within boundaries to manage the unmanageable things in life.  Remember, we are not responsible for what others choose to do and it is not our fault.  One of the sources of balance comes in how a person thinks about life.  For linear, black and white, everything fits in the box—literal, concrete thinkers, this will not compute because it requires thinking about life outside  of the box:  “most of the time your brain is involved in just one of three activities: distraction, reaction, or following well-worn pattern” (Tim Hurson). In the Bible it says, “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he”.  Are you following a well-worn pattern in life or are you interested in balancing how you feel about your relationships in life:  Change your thoughts and change your life.

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August 12, 2011 · 3:32 pm

Happiness: Guilt, Criticism, and Projection


Happiness: Guilt, Criticism, and Projection

An interesting thing that I have noticed about people who feel guilty is that they are not very happy and that they invest a huge amount of energy trying to hide– cover up painful or guilty experiences from being known.  Quite often, all of the efforts to hide something– not apparent on the surface has the opposite effect.  In stead of covering up guilt, it is like wearing a badge that says, “I am guilty”.  It does not take a psychologist to figure out that a person who engages in constant criticism of others is a demonstrating a behavior cue that points to unresolved guilt.  Often, the person who is constantly calling attention, implying, suggesting others weaknesses or faults may be shining a light upon something that obviously is wrong and unresolved in the accuser.

Good Guilt v. Bad Guilt

Developmentally, guilt is an emotional warning sign that most people learn during normal childhood social development.  Guilt’s purpose is to let us know when we have done something wrong—to keep life balanced.  Good guilt operates to help us develop a better understanding about bad choice and danger in our personal behavior.  Therefore healthy expressions of guilt prompts a person examine and to re-examine behavior to prevent making the same mistake twice.  Indeed, an examination of the pathology of unresolved guilt reveals negative perceptions of what others do that triggers distorted schemas, paralyzing emotions, and distorted reactions connected to a distorted sense of self that acts like a mirror reflecting what is not seen by others and known by the accuser.  Unfortunately, misunderstood and unresolved guilt leads to depression, anxiety, and frustration that is projected on someone else rather than becoming a positive force toward change or improvement.  Guilt is normally a negative focus coming from a perception of self that moralizes what others are doing and says, “I am a bad person.  I cannot bear myself.  I am unworthy.”

 

Internalized Guilt brings Externalized Behavior

Often I have said that “the things that we notice and hate about others and that we criticize so passionately, is connected to what we hate about ourselves.  Carl Jung said, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people” Unfortunately, the guilt ridden accuser does not understand that criticism is a window into their own darkness.  Often, behavior is hidden so well beneath misdirected concern shared as a concern with confidants, family, friends that infers perceived wrongdoing.  What is really happening is that the guilty accuser uses inference to project their own secretive guilty behaviors on their mirror.  Unfortunately, many of the things that people feel so deeply and are so offensive –we speak so loudly, passionately, so convincingly about point back to self-perception embedded within the neurotic guilt.  Indeed, the ability of guilt to subconsciously influence how perceptions, beliefs, and beliefs about what is seen should not be underestimated, nor ignored.  For instance, in a perfect world of a developing infant, doing, something “bad” is equivalent to murdering all that is good.  As the child develops with a lived-experience of shame, performance based acceptance, and guilt ridden feelings, the inability to dispel the gnawing sense of guilt results in the child owning misunderstood feelings about guilt and he/she enters an “adult– normal society.”  In the adult world, the normal is distorted by the abnormal thinking from development filtered by a perception of life that skewed by feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, and projection.  What happens: the guilt that has been internalized, misunderstood, and unresolved is externalized in projecting behavior toward others when something is seen that feels like the internalized guilt. Then, undigested guilt triggers the guilt-projection system that regurgitates what feels like concern, looks like righteousness, demonstrating rescuing behavior upon others, while calling attention to what is hidden beneath the surface– unresolved guilt that wants to be discovered.

Psychological ProjectionCriticism and Conversations with Guilty People

When I listen to people’s conversations, it sounds like there is something not being said, but is implied.  Quite often it is what is not being said that is more important than what is being said.  For instance, when person helps someone with a situation and someone else gives the pretense of being helpful and recurrent suggestions come up about another person’s faults or problems or even a constant disdain for a particular act, at is the real issue in the conversation?  On the one hand, it may be a person who simply is genuinely concerned, but on the other hand it may be a semantically expressed language cue it that says the person talking is struggling with and projecting internalized guilt.   It makes me wonder if the concerned person really feels guilty about their own internal struggle or particular behavior that no one knows about.   While serving as a pastor, I have had those who felt duty bound to inform me about how certain people are living and taking advantage of their leadership positions and using others.  What is common to all of these conversations is that they are people who represent themselves as crusaders of right, justice, and truth is that they are guilt-ridden people who try to guilt others into conformity and want someone to take up their cause.  Personally, I think about this activity as the subtle work of Satan who is guilty and accuses others of what he is guilty of.  In the book of Revelation Satan is depicted as the one who slanders the innocent and in reality is the one who is guilty.  Therefore, a critical question about this kind of accusation and speculation is motivation.  At this point, a question important to ask is what lies beneath suspicion and why this behavior is happening at this moment?  It may be that there is really a problem that needs to be addressed, but what is the real problem? Consequently, the essential question is why do some people see things that are really not there and act on beliefs that have no substance, evidence, or possess any real real desire to help?  One answer may be that some people have a need to rescue others from what they believe is “bad behavior” because there is strongly embedded guilt that says how bad a person actually feels about self and is motivating criticism, i.e., –the person sees their own failure in the acts of others.  The effort to direct attention to someone else may simply be transference:  an effort to vicariously fix something that feels very wrong in their own life by self incriminating projection of guilt on others. … Neurotic Guilt.

Why does one person believe they are doing right by making someone else guilty– warning, judging, evaluating, devaluing, and invalidating the other persons?

The Voice of Guilt is Saying What?

When a person engages in this kind of destructive inference, crusading to gain support from others, what is the core issue in the accusation? According to Sigmund Freud, it may be projection, which is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one “projects” one’s own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else.  Projection is one of the defense mechanisms identified by Freud that is used when someone feels threatened or feels afraid of their own impulses–, so the accuser attributes these impulses to someone else.  What is apparent among people, who make it their life’s mission to constantly criticize without sound reasoning and responsible approaches to relationships with others, is that the critic has an unresolved problem.  It is guilt– the feeling– that comes to the surface when something witnessed in others –a trigger activates  recognition of a feeling associated with a past behavior — “a been there done that experience.”  An important revelation  about constant accusing  is that recurring critical activity may be an open confession of unresolved feelings of guilt and self-esteem issues that are being attributed to someone else.

The Blame Game and What is Really Being Said

Throughout the history of the human race it is well documented that people have been struggling with guilt while denying responsibility.  The Bible records the story of creation when, Adam and Eve sinned; then, made leaves to cover up while knowing what they had done wrong.  Obviously, they did not want to take responsibility for what had happened. Therefore, the response of Eve was to pass the blame on, “it is the serpent that caused the evil act. “  The response of Adam was that it is the woman that you gave me Lord.  Guilt makes people project cover up because they are ashamed and understand that something is wrong and needs fixed.  Guilt makes people accuse because drawing attention to others behavior deflects attention away from the self –the guilty party.  Also, the fear of being exposed motivates people to project judgment for wrong doing upon someone else. Projecting guilt and packaging it in  criticism is a way of verbalizing how deeply perceptions of right and wrong— good and bad affects feelings of personal well being and personal security of the acuser.    Something to think about is that as long as attention is focused on what is wrong, what is being hidden, energy cannot be focused upon what is possible or what can make life effective, nor can you be happy.   Chaplain Murrill 04/27/2012

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April 25, 2011 · 2:07 pm

Happiness: Success and a Well-Lived Life


Well_lived_life

What does it mean to be a success in life in the 21st century? I suppose the answer you get depends upon who you ask. One important thing that seems to stand out this morning is that it is really hard to feel successful at anything when you are not happy. Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they choose to be.”

This is a thought provoking statement that indicates that happiness is a choice that people make as well as implying that success is a secondary result of happiness. Often, when people think about happiness, thoughts are conjured up of people who laugh and smile a lot, but that is not really accurate. Happiness is not based upon circumstances, in psychological terms, it is better understood as an approach to life that is present in spite of circumstances that provides hope, resilience, and strengths of values under-girding a perspective toward what is done in life. One thing for sure is that it is not what happens to us in life that determines success, rather, it is connected to how we feel about what happens and how the experience is internalized into life actions.

A well-lived life is connected to positive emotions that are internalized into beliefs, perception, and attitudes, which provide the substance of life affirming actions– behaviors in the experience of life. Positive emotions and efficacious actions are connected to the ability to have positive affirming relationships that characterize relationship in groups, social interaction, and organizational life. At the heart of life characterized by a pattern of broken relationships is a missing element of hope. The missing element is happiness that gives meaning to life– the wind in the sails of life bringing accomplishment within circumstances The point is that success in life is very much connected to happiness and its is definitely something that you have to choose in life.

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December 10, 2010 · 10:44 pm

Finding Balance Between Perception and Expectations.


The image of Seattle being refracted through m...

Who’s Glasses Are You Looking Through?

Is it really reasonable to believe that you can make other people happy by always doing what’s expected, acquiescing to the wishes of others to live in their blessing?  In reality you can never make someone else happy, they may be happy that you gave them what they were wishing for, but it does not necessarily make them happy. Much of the problem with viewing life from this perspective is fueled by a low sense of self and how worth, value, and happiness comes in life. The question that is at the core of the issue is: how does a person get to the point of not feeling that if one does not live up to the “expectation” of others, that acceptance, love, and approval will not be experienced?

Is There a Pattern of Response Connected to the Past?

While there are biological factors of personality and behavior, much of what’s beneath response is grounded in performance based thinking-behavior patterns established at a very early age.  The result is an experience characterized by falsely associating rewards for behaviors with value as a person.  A common response is a skewed sense of identity dependent upon reward attached to performance.  Often, when performance based behavior is thought of by some, it is linked with a negative connotation.  Performance and reward are not necessarily bad components when join together.  Human behavior is understood in terms of motivation and goal.  In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need, the principles of felt need and motivation for behaviors are illustrated in the basic way that individual’s act out behavior. The response is connected to how needs-drives are internalized, organized, and acted out. At the basic level, a common thread of response is present that supports the function of a healthy, well expressed life, but the response takes on a different pattern based upon signals from the environmental conditions, and perceived outcomes. Another point of consideration is that, humans are not simply deterministic in responses, but free to demonstrate dynamic interaction in response to what is occurring and has happened over the course of life. Knowing why behavior occurs may be more important to living effectively than identifying or classifying behaviors as good or bad. The truth is that everything that we are doing and how we respond is a continuing flow of experiences, information received, and responses that we organize in the unique way that integrates the information of life in our experience.

Is it Wrong to Respond as You do to Life?

Some individuals describe life in terms of black and white—good and bad.  That is characteristic of a personality disorder that is described as “Borderline Personality” and indicates a behavior that presents with emotional dis-regulation response to stress.  The personality illustration points to a reality experienced when we possess a limited view of life that describes everything in terms of good and bad, black and white. When the experiences in life do not fit linear terms of good and bad—stupid and smart, there is a difficulty in managing information that does not fit in the box, which colors outside the lines, and is not really understood.  Looking at what people do and why in terms of what is effective and works and what do not work and is ineffective will provide a way of connecting behaviors with solutions that work.  In response to the many questions that are within this, there is a place for good and bad, mores, values, and spiritual implications.  However, simply describing the moral quality or value principle of what is done, will not help anyone: it more likely than not– will reinforce the same negative, self-destructive patterns of thinking and behaving. Therefore, understanding why behavior, resulting in performance that is motivated by a need for approval, characterizes how individuals respond to expectations and will provide more substantive answers that describing in terms of good and bad—right and wrong.

Healthy or Unhealthy Expectations?

A good question to ask about what is healthy and unhealthy is to look at the impact of actions in terms of what effect is elicited that promotes a specific behavior. An illustration about perspective and the effects of a point of view, internalized is within how Christians generally respond to behavior problems with guilt or conviction. I have a personal axiom that says, “guilt” drives us away from God—to hide as they did in the Garden of Eden and ”conviction” drives us toward God—as Isaiah’s vision of God (Isaiah  6).  There is a distinct difference in how response is given to guilt and how response is given to an understood cognitive, spiritual truth.  One produces neurotic behavior with its own distinct pathology and another with the response that frees choices and produces intentional responses.  Consideration about what is healthy behavior may be best, framed in terms of motivation and what effect is produced.  For example, a well-founded effort leads someone to let another know that they are a drunk and that they need to change.  A good question to pose is: who feels better after the exchange, the one who identified the behavior or the “drunk “who heard those words describing behavior flavored with a character assessment?  Understanding behaviors that identifies the action and misses the person has the missing component– hope of efficacy.

The epilogue is this: if the guilt of not pleasing others is placing expectation on you remember, “Healthy people with good self-worth and identity have a solid foundation from which to operate. They enjoy love and approval and success, but do not crumble without it. Their good feelings come from the inside, not from the external people and things which surround them” (Smith A.W.).

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August 14, 2010 · 6:45 pm

Living Intentionally– Check Your Attitude


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People who suffer through life and overcome are sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way (Victor Frankyl, Man’s Search For Meaning).

While we have little control over circumstances or the actions of others, we can control our reactions to them. Anyone can learn how to think more positively and operate with a better attitude, regardless of circumstances, temperament, or intellect.

The way in which one chooses to cross the transitions in life determines whether they fall or get to the other side. Believing you can reach the immediate goal and having a sure footing will enable continuance but also success at leading people to do the same, here are some things to think about:

Who Do You Act Like?

To start thinking positively, begin by acting positively. Most people wait until they feel like it before taking action, but that’s going about it backwards. Instead, you’ve got to act your way into thinking. By putting desires into action, you can establish a habit of thinking correctly and the result is a positive way of acting that reflects that we intend to succeed.

If you tend to think negatively, break that habit by choosing to have and exhibit a plan that is focused on the goal and the outcome of actions. Jesus said that we should count the cost before we act. Our actions reflect an attitude that we can and God will …

What will acting this way do this do? Besides improving your personal well-being, you’ll model the actions you want your followers to take as well. As they see your commitment to being positive, they’ll follow your example.

What Are You Planting?

To reap a successful harvest, a farmer doesn’t plant seeds and then just expect them to grow on their own. He must continually water, weed, fertilize and nurture the growing plants if he wants them to reach maturity.
Likewise, if we want a successful life, we need to spend time every day nurturing our attitude. We must nourish the seeds of positive thinking, or they won’t grow. And if we don’t pay attention to our crop, weeds of negative thinking will spring up and choke the positive plants until they die.

Focus on Success Not Failure

Focus on what’s positive and successful. Don’t feed the weeds. As it says in Philippians 4:8, “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, and whatsoever things are of good report … think on these things” (KJV).

What Are You Expecting?

Have you noticed that whenever you buy a new car, you suddenly see others driving that same model everywhere? I’m sure you’ve figured out that those other cars were there all along; you just weren’t looking for them before. Now that you have that particular car yourself, your eye is trained to notice it.

People Really Do See What They‘re Prepared To See

That’s why it’s so important to train yourself to look for the best in others. There is good in the worst of us and bad in the best of us, if we look for it hard enough. So whether you notice positive traits or imperfections depends almost entirely on what you choose to see. When we consciously look for the best in people, we allow their good traits to have a positive impact on our life and leadership.

What Do You Really Believe?

You might believe that great ideas come only to the geniuses of the world. But in reality, discovering an idea is more a function of attitude than aptitude. An open-minded, creative person looks for ideas anywhere he can find them. He considers every option and doesn’t reject anything until he’s thoroughly examined it for any good he can find.

Thomas Edison, one of the world’s great inventors, discovered some of his best inventions after other ideas went wrong, and he found another use for them. In fact, that’s exactly what happened with the phonograph. If you keep an open mind and explore every idea presented to you, your people will follow your example. And the new ideas you discover together will contribute to your success.

Many people tend to take attitude for granted. They assume that they’re stuck with the attitude that they have. Yet your outlook on life, as well as that of your people, can be changed. And the impact of positive thinking is so significant that it deserves regular attention. Take an attitude inventory today, and set yourself on the right track of thinking. Before you can change your world, you must first change the way you look at it.

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March 18, 2010 · 5:05 pm

The 3 Most Common Motivational Factors


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The 3 Most Common Motivational Factors

By: TJ Philpott

Different motivational factors are required to inspired people into taking actions they may otherwise not take. Some people may not be motivated to maintain a fitness routine while others can be compulsive about doing so. On the other hand the same people who display a lack of motivation towards fitness may be more ‘career driven’ than a fitness enthusiast. The point people get motivated for different reasons and these reasons can as much as personality types. No matter what it takes however everybody including even the most unmotivated amongst us however has something that can stimulate them into taking action.

Here are 3 of the most common motivation factors any of which has the capability to stir a reaction out of even the most unmotivated.

Fear

This factor is probably the most influential of all others due to the fact that it is deeply rooted in a very primal emotion. Fear has the ability to make even the most lackadaisical people get motivated, and in a hurry! The loss of life, limb, a loved one or even money can and usually will stir quite a reaction out of just about anyone. This type of motivation often times is more a reaction than it is a calculated and well thought out plan.

Desire

The influence this factor has over someone is based more upon the ability to be self motivated. What stirs a desire in people is dependent upon their particular ‘hierarchy’ of priorities. These desires are based more upon personal wants or ‘urges’ and not necessities. If something is important enough to someone they need to get motivated by their own inner drive.

Need

This factor ranks right behind fear as the second most influential of the three we are discussing here. Whereas a desire as we spoke of above is fueled by a ‘want’ or ‘urge’ a need is based upon something of greater urgency such as food or shelter. Even though this factor is capable of helping anyone overcome a lack of motivation it is not quite as strong as the primal reaction that fear can stir.

Although it may take different motivational factors to stimulate people into taking action most everybody can be motivated. Some people may not place a high value on health or money but can be motivated to collect stamps. Others may have a lack of motivation to own a pet but still may enjoy a day at the zoo. The fact is that almost everybody has certain motivation factors that may affect them more then others. The 3 factors we discussed here today are the most common and likely strongest reasons people get motivated. The source of a person’s motivation is typically a reflection of their priorities. So what motivates you?

About the Author

 

TJ Philpott is an author and Internet entrepreneur based out of North Carolina.
To learn more about how certain motivational factors can bring out your best and to also receive a free instructional manual that teaches valuable niche research techniques simply visit:http://blogbrawn.com/

 

(ArticlesBase SC #2003930)

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – The 3 Most Common Motivational Factors

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February 4, 2010 · 5:59 pm

What Are Others Seeing that Makes an Impression Worth Following?


Pillars of Influence

Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.(Viktor E. Frankl )

While we have little control over circumstances or the actions of others, we control our reactions to them. And anyone can learn how to think more positively and operate with an attitude, regardless of circumstances, temperament, or intellect. The way in which one chooses to cross the transitions in life determines whether they fall or get to the other side. Believing you can reach the immediate goal and having a sure footing will enable continuance but also success at leading people to do the same, here are some things to think about:

Who Do You Act Like?

To start thinking positively, begin by positively. Most people wait until they feel like it before taking action, but that’s going about it backwards. Instead, you’ve got to act your way into thinking. By putting desires into action, you can establish a of thinking correctly and the result is a positive way of acting that reflects that we intend to succeed. If you tend to think negatively, break that habit by choosing to have and exhibit a plan that is focused on the goal and the outcome of actions. Our actions reflect an attitude that we can and will … What will acting this way do this do? Besides improving your personal well-being, you’ll model the actions you want your followers to take as well. As they see your commitment to being positive, they’ll follow your example.

To reap a successful harvest, a farmer doesn’t plant seeds and then just expect them to grow on their own. He must continually water, weed, fertilize and nurture the growing plants if he wants them to reach maturity. Likewise, if we want a successful life, we need to spend time every day nurturing our attitude. We must nourish the seeds of positive thinking, or they won’t grow. And if we don’t pay attention to our crop, weeds of negative thinking will spring up and choke the positive plants until they die.

Focus On What is Positive and Brings a Successful Outcome.

Don’t feed the weeds. It does make a difference what we think about and how we view our life. Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, and whatsoever things are of good report … think on these things“

Pay Attention to What is Happening Around You.

Have you noticed that whenever you buy a new car, you suddenly see others driving that same model everywhere? I’m sure you’ve figured out that those other cars were there all along; you just weren’t looking for them before. Now that you have that particular car yourself, your eye is trained to notice it.

Realize that Beliefs Drive Perception: People see what they‘re prepared to see.

That’s why it’s so important to train yourself to look for the best in others. There is good in the worst of us and bad in the best of us, if we look for it hard enough. So whether you notice positive traits or imperfections depends almost entirely on what you to see. When we consciously look for the best in people, we allow their good traits to have a positive impact on our life and leadership.

Understand the Creativity Leads to Productivity.

You might believe that great ideas come only to the geniuses of the world. But in reality, discovering an idea is more a function of attitude than aptitude. An open-minded, creative person looks for ideas anywhere he can find them. He considers every option and doesn’t reject anything until he’s thoroughly examined it for any good he can find. Thomas Edison, one of the world’s great inventors, discovered some of his best inventions after other ideas went wrong, and he found another use for them. In fact, that’s exactly what happened with the phonograph. If you keep an open mind and explore every idea presented to you, your people will follow your example. And the new ideas you discover together will contribute to your success. Many people tend to take attitude for granted. They assume that they’re stuck with the attitude that they have. Yet your outlook on life, as well as that of your people, can be changed. And the impact of positive thinking is so significant that it deserves regular attention. Take an attitude inventory today, and set yourself on the right track of thinking. Before you can change your world, you must first change the way you look at it.

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