Tag Archives: forgiveness

March 7, 2013 · 12:54 am

Forgiveness Consequences and Consequences of Evil Acts


Forgiveness-and-Consequences-300x204

What response is appropriate when trust in violated repeatedly by someone who does you wrong, violates your personal boundaries, and continually act in ways that consume your life emotionally, physically, and financially?  The obvious answer for many people is to run away and put as much distance between you and the offender as possible.  However, when an effort is made to manage others behavior, it can be a slippery slope.  It is like the old saying, “it takes two to Tango”.  Indeed assessing blame and taking responsibility for perceived unjust or unethical behavior  can turn on the accuser because everyone sees life events through a unique perspective.  Obviously, it is easier to blame others or appear to be what someone else has done instead of accepting responsibility for personal involvement and participation in a conflict situation that has produced actions, feelings, and outcome.

Looking at forgiveness from a purely religious or theological perspective leaves people with distorted ideas about responsibility for actions that violate another person’s rights, or that defrauds another person willfully of benefit.  Many people think that you are supposed to get “holy amnesia” when you are wronged by someone and if you are really spiritual that you will act as if nothing ever happened.  As a result, when some people look at the idea of forgiveness through a theological construction, often emphasis is placed upon unconditional forgiveness. In fact, unconditional forgiveness ideally removes responsibility for actions, absolves guilt, removes consequences, and restores relationships. However, when it comes to the subject of forgiveness an important issue to consider is that human beings are emotional beings subject to human limitations and are not God.  Unfortunately many people who have been deeply hurt by others are further damaged by guilt and manipulation of idealist who may not understand fully that there is more to forgiveness than holy amnesia.  Consequently, when it comes to forgiveness many people apply the doctrine of redemption and forgiveness that is provide by God upon human experiences as if it is normal to act just as God does while living as a finite human being. Unfortunately, for many people feeling the hurt and pain of broken relationships the pain doesn’t get any better when religious notions are used to bruise the offended further. Think about this: if the central emphasis is placed upon benefit for the sinner, relief for the offender, and not upon the effects of behavior on the way relationships have become tangled, there can be little growth without a healthy process that addresses the consequences for the act of offense.

In a simplistic, view of forgiveness is a need for relief from any sense of guilt from actions and vindication, i.e., relief from emotional, social, and, personal for wrongdoing.  In a theological understanding penalty is  removed and sinners escape eternal separation from God, as well as the benefit of relationship in the present.  However, the theological definition is not a very practical way to apply to how forgiveness between people occurs who are the product of a fallen nature, an developing spiritual capacity, and who experience systemic relational problems.  Obviously, individuals with a diminished developmental difficulty lack a God-like ability to negotiate healthy balance between forgiveness and responsibility.  Therefore, when many people think of forgiveness they are equating it with to the doctrine of absolution from Roman Catholic Theology, where the priest mystically removed the penalty for wrong acts. Consequently, when the discussion about forgiveness is raised, movement away from a simplistic view of people who live by shoulds and should nots will be enhanced when we realize that people must go through a process toward forgiveness that is not instant “holy amnesia”.

One way to think about this is that there is a fundamental difference between forgiveness and removal of cumulative consequences. Indeed, it is true that Jesus died on the Cross-as a substitution for the sins of those who place faith in Him.  However, does that mean that all of the consequence or sin and sins are removed at the cross in every area of life?  Some people believe the answer is yes, but the answer is an emphatic no.  For instance, the thief on the cross still died for his crimes, while he was forgiven of his sins. Therefore, a principle that needs to be understood is that consequences in the human life remain even when there is full forgiveness.  Something to consider is that many people see forgiveness as a relief from responsibility for behavior. Obviously, escapist thinking under girds many beliefs that people have about forgiveness from bad behavior.  One place this is evident is in the majority of prayers prayed by people that focus upon God relieving or delivering from individuals from consequences in life instead of changing the person by providing ability to bear up under consequences and remaining faithful in circumstances.  Somehow, some people have come to believe that when they are forgiven of wrongdoing they will no longer have to live under the conditions that bring consequences from choices made or face responsibility for consequences. Unfortunately, the fact remains that unethical, unjust behavior influence, levels of trust, communication, and relationship dynamics that affect everything in life.

There is no doubt that common sense tells us that when something horrendous occurs to a person emotionally, psychologically, or personally devastates life, it will not be relieved with a simple “I’m sorry”. In fact, something is out of balance with thinking that forgiveness equates an words of contrition, or acting like something did not happen. Obviously, it is like believing the words, “I am sorry” will remap the cells of brain, change thought patterns, modify behaviors in way that minimizes, erases responsibility and eradicates consequences.  Further, this point of view is prevalent among those in the church and is expressed through an attitude that places greater emphasis upon acceptance of wrongdoers than it does upon the spiritual, social, and eternal consequences of evil acts. Obviously, all actions have consequences and as much as individuals may want to ignore them, pretend they don’t exist, or mystically wish them away, there is an ongoing impact on life. As a result, what can be learned from church history is the point of view that minimizes responsibility from wrongdoing is called, Antinomianism.

This perspective presented a problem recorded in the book of Roman where Paul asked a question directed at responsibility for actions, “What shall we say then, shall we continue in sin that grace may abound”.  Consequently, rational people know that when there are evil acts, there is not a freedom from responsibility, but a challenge to accept responsibility that leads to a change in behavior in a responsible manner.

Apparently, some people believed that the more they sinned, the more grace was magnified as a principle of forgiveness and acceptance —more grace is evident and available.  Unfortunately, this is how many people view responsibility for their wrongdoing: the more they are forgiven, the less sensitivity that is felt about the grave nature of injustice to others.  For example, this is particularly evident in how passionately criminals rationalize the crimes against others when they find Jesus. Indeed, there is a feeling of need for relief through redemption and absolution in forgiveness.

However,   there is a visible absence of remorse, acts of restitution, or change of attitude about crimes committed against victims.  Those who are most passionate about forgiveness and who advocate acceptance, restoration, and vindication are those who have the greatest guilt and sin. What needs to be understood is that Jesus died on the cross for Sin to give a remedy for sin.  Sin is a legal term expressed in John 3:17, Romans 8:1, as condemnation, which means eternal punishment, separation from God.  The forgiveness that Jesus offers, in His work on the cross, is to provide a way to experience a changed life, not to escape the consequences of actions.  In the theological concept, forgiveness is about changing behavior and redeeming the consequences through building a life of trust and faith. On the other hand, naive acceptance without accountability reinforces the potential for evil to thrive and prosper.

One of the problems is that forgiveness is applied by using a utilitarian philosophy of forgiveness rooted in hedonism. The pleasure principle advocates that the greatest outcome in life is on the least path of resistance.  In other words, the way that brings the greatest pleasure in life. Utilitarian’s advocate the principle of greatest good and is the best for everyone concerned.

However, the question remains unanswered about how is the greatest good or best is determined?  Usually the good is in human terms, socially, from group input from sociocultural norms and mores’, not from a universal or rational truth.  Unfortunately, Utilitarian forgiveness is not very effective at helping people change behaviors or protecting people from harm, and restoring trust.

In this case, forgiveness carries with it toleration and means that there are no universal understanding of consequences for morally wrong behaviors.  Therefore, illegal activities and potentially damaging behavior deconstructs all normal boundaries for behavioral expectations and normal expectations about responsibility.  Therefore, when people become so desensitized to consequences of evil that the effect is no longer felt, the result is an inadequate view of forgiveness and responsibility.  As a result, when there is a fundamental belief that there is forgiveness for sin and there are no consequences, spiritual change or personal growth does not occur as a life principle.  Behavior adapts to wrongdoing creating no accountability and the system dynamic makes the abnormal the normal.  Consequently, forgiveness should demonstrate change in the forgiven not reinforce a potential to act in evil ways without accountability. Consequently, forgiveness should mean that, I am changing how I feel and how I believe, so life can move forward in a healthy productive way.

A cultural challenge to forgiveness in the 21st century is that within Utilitarian thought there is never really any possibility of right or wrong.  Obviously, this belief is connected to a relativistic view of culture that removes all moral implications of sin or wrongdoing and no absolutes.  Therefore, the view is that nothing is really ever wrong, so forgiveness is just a psychological transaction where feelings are purged creating emotional catharsis and acceptance.  However, novel that may seem to modern people, this thinking does little for the person who has been violated and who has memories encoded with trauma after an experience creating Post-Traumatic Stress.

Forgiveness is an internal process that sets the forgiving person free from bitterness and internalizing of pain in self-destructive ways. However, contrary to popular thought, forgiveness does not mean the offender is free from the consequences of their actions.  The news report about Usama bin Laden being killed is a sober reminder that evil actions have consequences that will stalk a person and exact a penalty sooner or later through consequence in life and after death.  Obviously, we live in a time when universal truth has been rejected and been replaced with a view that makes all actions relative to the person. Consequently, the reality of 21st century sophistry is no moral right and wrong, but only what is relative to a person or a group.

Another point of view presented in Psalm 37 says,” Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.  For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb”.  Indeed what will happen is that a every person will fall into the hands of a just God who has reminded us that there are consequence for evil acts of violence.  Therefore, the message that resounds is the pain we feel for unjust acts in this life is only a token of the eternal reward for injustice from evil acts in this life.  Something to think about is that a point of view that may not be popular, but is a eternal reality is that God will have the last word on every act and consequence of evil behavior.

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August 12, 2011 · 3:32 pm

Happiness: Guilt, Criticism, and Projection


Happiness: Guilt, Criticism, and Projection

An interesting thing that I have noticed about people who feel guilty is that they are not very happy and that they invest a huge amount of energy trying to hide– cover up painful or guilty experiences from being known.  Quite often, all of the efforts to hide something– not apparent on the surface has the opposite effect.  In stead of covering up guilt, it is like wearing a badge that says, “I am guilty”.  It does not take a psychologist to figure out that a person who engages in constant criticism of others is a demonstrating a behavior cue that points to unresolved guilt.  Often, the person who is constantly calling attention, implying, suggesting others weaknesses or faults may be shining a light upon something that obviously is wrong and unresolved in the accuser.

Good Guilt v. Bad Guilt

Developmentally, guilt is an emotional warning sign that most people learn during normal childhood social development.  Guilt’s purpose is to let us know when we have done something wrong—to keep life balanced.  Good guilt operates to help us develop a better understanding about bad choice and danger in our personal behavior.  Therefore healthy expressions of guilt prompts a person examine and to re-examine behavior to prevent making the same mistake twice.  Indeed, an examination of the pathology of unresolved guilt reveals negative perceptions of what others do that triggers distorted schemas, paralyzing emotions, and distorted reactions connected to a distorted sense of self that acts like a mirror reflecting what is not seen by others and known by the accuser.  Unfortunately, misunderstood and unresolved guilt leads to depression, anxiety, and frustration that is projected on someone else rather than becoming a positive force toward change or improvement.  Guilt is normally a negative focus coming from a perception of self that moralizes what others are doing and says, “I am a bad person.  I cannot bear myself.  I am unworthy.”

 

Internalized Guilt brings Externalized Behavior

Often I have said that “the things that we notice and hate about others and that we criticize so passionately, is connected to what we hate about ourselves.  Carl Jung said, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people” Unfortunately, the guilt ridden accuser does not understand that criticism is a window into their own darkness.  Often, behavior is hidden so well beneath misdirected concern shared as a concern with confidants, family, friends that infers perceived wrongdoing.  What is really happening is that the guilty accuser uses inference to project their own secretive guilty behaviors on their mirror.  Unfortunately, many of the things that people feel so deeply and are so offensive –we speak so loudly, passionately, so convincingly about point back to self-perception embedded within the neurotic guilt.  Indeed, the ability of guilt to subconsciously influence how perceptions, beliefs, and beliefs about what is seen should not be underestimated, nor ignored.  For instance, in a perfect world of a developing infant, doing, something “bad” is equivalent to murdering all that is good.  As the child develops with a lived-experience of shame, performance based acceptance, and guilt ridden feelings, the inability to dispel the gnawing sense of guilt results in the child owning misunderstood feelings about guilt and he/she enters an “adult– normal society.”  In the adult world, the normal is distorted by the abnormal thinking from development filtered by a perception of life that skewed by feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, and projection.  What happens: the guilt that has been internalized, misunderstood, and unresolved is externalized in projecting behavior toward others when something is seen that feels like the internalized guilt. Then, undigested guilt triggers the guilt-projection system that regurgitates what feels like concern, looks like righteousness, demonstrating rescuing behavior upon others, while calling attention to what is hidden beneath the surface– unresolved guilt that wants to be discovered.

Psychological ProjectionCriticism and Conversations with Guilty People

When I listen to people’s conversations, it sounds like there is something not being said, but is implied.  Quite often it is what is not being said that is more important than what is being said.  For instance, when person helps someone with a situation and someone else gives the pretense of being helpful and recurrent suggestions come up about another person’s faults or problems or even a constant disdain for a particular act, at is the real issue in the conversation?  On the one hand, it may be a person who simply is genuinely concerned, but on the other hand it may be a semantically expressed language cue it that says the person talking is struggling with and projecting internalized guilt.   It makes me wonder if the concerned person really feels guilty about their own internal struggle or particular behavior that no one knows about.   While serving as a pastor, I have had those who felt duty bound to inform me about how certain people are living and taking advantage of their leadership positions and using others.  What is common to all of these conversations is that they are people who represent themselves as crusaders of right, justice, and truth is that they are guilt-ridden people who try to guilt others into conformity and want someone to take up their cause.  Personally, I think about this activity as the subtle work of Satan who is guilty and accuses others of what he is guilty of.  In the book of Revelation Satan is depicted as the one who slanders the innocent and in reality is the one who is guilty.  Therefore, a critical question about this kind of accusation and speculation is motivation.  At this point, a question important to ask is what lies beneath suspicion and why this behavior is happening at this moment?  It may be that there is really a problem that needs to be addressed, but what is the real problem? Consequently, the essential question is why do some people see things that are really not there and act on beliefs that have no substance, evidence, or possess any real real desire to help?  One answer may be that some people have a need to rescue others from what they believe is “bad behavior” because there is strongly embedded guilt that says how bad a person actually feels about self and is motivating criticism, i.e., –the person sees their own failure in the acts of others.  The effort to direct attention to someone else may simply be transference:  an effort to vicariously fix something that feels very wrong in their own life by self incriminating projection of guilt on others. … Neurotic Guilt.

Why does one person believe they are doing right by making someone else guilty– warning, judging, evaluating, devaluing, and invalidating the other persons?

The Voice of Guilt is Saying What?

When a person engages in this kind of destructive inference, crusading to gain support from others, what is the core issue in the accusation? According to Sigmund Freud, it may be projection, which is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one “projects” one’s own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else.  Projection is one of the defense mechanisms identified by Freud that is used when someone feels threatened or feels afraid of their own impulses–, so the accuser attributes these impulses to someone else.  What is apparent among people, who make it their life’s mission to constantly criticize without sound reasoning and responsible approaches to relationships with others, is that the critic has an unresolved problem.  It is guilt– the feeling– that comes to the surface when something witnessed in others –a trigger activates  recognition of a feeling associated with a past behavior — “a been there done that experience.”  An important revelation  about constant accusing  is that recurring critical activity may be an open confession of unresolved feelings of guilt and self-esteem issues that are being attributed to someone else.

The Blame Game and What is Really Being Said

Throughout the history of the human race it is well documented that people have been struggling with guilt while denying responsibility.  The Bible records the story of creation when, Adam and Eve sinned; then, made leaves to cover up while knowing what they had done wrong.  Obviously, they did not want to take responsibility for what had happened. Therefore, the response of Eve was to pass the blame on, “it is the serpent that caused the evil act. “  The response of Adam was that it is the woman that you gave me Lord.  Guilt makes people project cover up because they are ashamed and understand that something is wrong and needs fixed.  Guilt makes people accuse because drawing attention to others behavior deflects attention away from the self –the guilty party.  Also, the fear of being exposed motivates people to project judgment for wrong doing upon someone else. Projecting guilt and packaging it in  criticism is a way of verbalizing how deeply perceptions of right and wrong— good and bad affects feelings of personal well being and personal security of the acuser.    Something to think about is that as long as attention is focused on what is wrong, what is being hidden, energy cannot be focused upon what is possible or what can make life effective, nor can you be happy.   Chaplain Murrill 04/27/2012

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May 2, 2011 · 1:12 am

Bitterness: Drinking Poison and Wishing Someone Else Dies


Bitterness_poison

What happens to a person when they are exposed to continual invalidation, while feeling the pain of rejection, isolation and then made to believe that what they are feeling is  not important enough to be heard?

If you have not had that experience, you will not understand what I am talking about.   After serving others for most of my life in pastoral ministry and having the unfortunate experience of having Thyroid cancer, being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and subsequently, losing a wife to Cancer; I felt invalidated by life, the church, and everyone that I had given my life to serve.  My experience was that when I was transparent enough to share with the church, the deacons, and leaders that I was very sick,  I was pressured out of my  position by a group of religious haters. If it sounds like unresolved anger that needs expressed, let me assure you that I was angry and had good reason to be angry with people that I had invested in and who were only interested in what they wanted, while I felt so sick.  I am here to tell you from  an experience of wishing certain (unnamed) people would eat crap and die that bitterness is a counterproductive emotion and only hurts the person who is bitter.

So, I moved away and in my new location, I do not have the constant reminder that comes from seeing the people who  talk about expressing love, acceptance and mercy, but give judgment, pain, and isolation.  If that sounds serious, it is, the Bible says, “to shun the very appearance of evil” and they were acting evil so I obeyed the command and made a clean break.  As a recovering church and ministry junkie, I know now that I lived inside a religious life that only offered redemption as a concept and not as a practice.  Personally, I felt like I was  victimized by religious do gooders when, in fact, the problem was I had a distorted perception of reality.  I somehow thought Christians would be Christians when called upon. However, this belief could not have been further from the truth– people always act in their best interest and out of their own need justifying what they do.  The problem is that religious types do not want to admit that and believe that their actions are always spiritual.

Unfortunately, the assumption is not true and the result is misunderstanding, about the character of human behavior.  When a person has false expectations about people and life, then that individual ends up disillusioned and disappointed by the false ideas believed.  Disillusionment leads to failure in life, bitterness about experiences and alienation from the church.  What experience has taught me is that the church is ill-equipped at helping people who have problems. What the church is good at is creating emotional invalids, people who cannot think for themselves, and creating conformity.  The best organization in the world is the church of the Lord Jesus Christ, but it is made up of people who are a part of an organizational system that has no fail-safe approach for people who experience problems outside of the box.  What is a person to do when all that is right goes wrong leaving you in a pile ruins, then in one fell swoop everything is lost, hope is gone, and you’re left alone?

I remember when I sat in the hospice with Linda who was dying with colon cancer and thinking– remembering about how many times that I had been there with other families who had a family member dying.  I remember asking myself, “Where are those people that I served and where is the church, the pastor, the family now?  Death is one of those solitary experiences that you have to go through alone, but it is a time that no one should be alone.  If you want to invalidate someone, leave them alone when they get older and when they are dying.  I remember very clearly the isolation and loneliness of those moments.  I had just had a TIA, my sugar was out of control, my wife dying of cancer and life was ebbing away.  I sat there and waited hoping that someone would come.  I called and talked on the phone with my mother-in law who had told her dying daughter that she had received a word from God that she was going to be healed, repeatedly telling her that she did not have enough faith—she invalidated her in her dying moments in the name of a religious mysticism. Further invalidation came when she called and told me that I should take her out of Hospice because that was where people went to die– we did not have enough faith.  I understand that it was her fear of the reality of death, the children’s inability to deal with their mother’s death that explained the confusing behavior.  Meanwhile, I sat there day in and day out– around the clock wondering when someone would come.  People trickled through occasionally, sporadically– but no one really came who stayed, who invested, who made a difference.  It was not until the last week that Linda lived that her mother, dad, and brother finally came.  On the phone I had to tell her mom, if you do not come, you may never see her alive again– then she came.  How can a person ever get over that and get on with life?  What I discovered through this process is that I had faulty notions about people that made me believe that if they were really Christians they would show love, if they were family, they would show respect, if he was a pastor, he would show care, but it did not happen and I was disappointed.

What I discovered is that, generally, people are the same inside and outside the church.  The difference is that people inside the church have one set of answers about life and people who are outside the church have another set of answers.  People do act according to their personal interests, needs, and beliefs.  I believed that, somehow, people would act as I thought that I used to– go sit, pray, or give support.  The result, for me, was I got disappointed.  The point is that I thought they should, would– show interest and it made me angry, and not for myself, but that people could show such a lack of interest or could not feel a need to inconvenience themselves for someone who had cared about them throughout life.  At the end of the day, the anger that I feel has not gone away about injustice, but I have learned to manage what I felt, experienced, and is a reality. The unfortunate thing is that when such emotionally charged memories become a part of existence that it changes life forever.  I will probably never get over what has happened, but living with bitterness is no more an option that living false beliefs and expectations about people.

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August 14, 2010 · 5:44 pm

Are Your Unresolved Relationship Issues Affecting Spiritual Development?


Dispute of Jesus and the Pharisees over tribut...

Why do we have so much difficulty receiving from God in worship?  Here  is a good diagnostic question to begin with: Do we have broken relationships that need mending?  In worship we are we focused upon people and things– or are we focused upon God.  Before one comes to a time of worship, it is good to stop and take a moment and refocus our thoughts upon spiritual things. Refocusing in this way has a way of dissipating the concerns of life and reducing them to a manageable matter of faith. The psalmist said that God inhabits the praise of his people. The fact is that when we focus on God, everything that used to matter just becomes an infinitesimal issue.

Another question that  is important to worship is: unresolved ethical issues with those around us. One  central theme that shows an ignored truth that affects spiritual relationships–is the need for justice: the need for justice and fair play. Job said he needed an advocate to speak for him and plead his case before God. Amos said let justice roll down like a river. The unfortunate fact among contemporary Christians is an absence of justice–respect,  in how people relate to others.   Sadly, this is not an anomaly it is a regular occurrence. The truth is that when we fail to follow the teaching of Jesus about relationships, we cannot approach God with a clean heart nor have an effective relationship of worship with God.

Attitudes Are More Important Than Sacrifice or Actions

Jesus said except your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the Kingdom of God. The Pharisees had, the right religious actions, expressions, and ritual. But they had inner attitudes that precluded them from having intimacy with God. Like a lot of religious people and leaders, they were self-focused  in their religious activities. Self serving motives, when trying to relate to God do not move God. One question that is helpful to ask is: whose need is being met in what I do in relationship to God and my fellow man .  (e.g. who is the focus on?)

Attitude Must Precede Worship

Jesus said that before we bring our gift to the altar, which is worship, go reconcile yourself to your brother. If there was more of this going on before worship, we would not have to sing as long or preach as long.  Broken relationships equal broken worship that is ineffective.

What Is Really Important To You?

Jesus was asked one time what is the greatest command?  He said that we must love God with all of our being and love our fellow-man: the Ten Commandments in one statement. Unfortunately, you cannot have one without the other. The act of loving God equals loving others as ourselves. Why are we so concerned about whether people drink, dance, smoke, and all the other “Thou shall nots” when we do not address inner attitudes that are stunting our spiritual growth and which are so devastating to those under us and around us?

Worship is most effective when we look inward, look outward, then upward.

He That Hath An Ear Let Him Hear

I hope that you have come to life today with a desire to experience God in a real way. God has something to say to you that you need to hear.  The question is: are you ready to hear it?  Many people spend their life searching for the voice of God, but He has already spoken, many times we are just not hearing.  Hebrews chapter one says that God has spoken in many ways in the past, like prophets and by spiritual leaders.  Many people today are still looking for the voice of a prophet to speak to them.  The writer of Hebrews said that God has spoken to us by His Son Jesus in these last days… and His voice is ringing into the future.

What is there that anyone could say that would add to the words of Jesus? [Nothing.] Many people present themselves as God’s voice in the present and have enamored a following, but the only voice that we need to hear today is that of Jesus. There is nothing that can be said that is more important than what–He said  … Are you ready to hear?

The Most Important Activity of The Christian life

Worship is a spiritual activity. The success of that activity depends on our awareness of the Holy Spirit and our willingness to allow Him to lead us. I believe that the Holy Spirit wants to help us experience liberty when we worship. What must we do to have liberty? Evangelist D. L. Moody said, “ I am sorry to say that we must there must be a funeral in a good many churches before there is much work done. We shall have to bury the formalism so deep that it will never have any resurrection.” Moody makes a point that is good to be observed by all churches. Rituals and externalism can replace the power and dynamic of the Holy Spirit in worship.

One of the ministries of the Holy Spirit is to bring liberty to captives. Paul wrote, “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. “ (2 Cor. 3:17)  When we have spent the week in the work-world, raising children, or dealing with the problems of life, our thoughts are taken captive by the drama that is played out in our life.  One of the things that we can to give us greater liberty to worship on Sunday is to make preparation throughout the week.  Every day we should take time to reflect upon our spiritual needs. We can do this by reading our Bible.  As we read the Bible, its words recall the story of God’s greatness and the need of all humanity has for help in the time of need. Also, we can do this by praying.  When we pray, there is the reminder of failures, the need for forgiveness, and the compassion which God–who loves us even when we are less than perfect provides. In addition, we can do this by praising. Every day we need to take some time and make note of  how we are blessed,  and thank God for the wonderful, abundant grace that he provides.

Have you taken time to prepare to meet God today? If you have not, right now is  a good time to stop and ask God to make you sensitive to the Holy Spirit and to speak to you today about the need that you are experiencing in your life. God is here today to meet your needs and to give you liberty to live for Him.

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August 13, 2010 · 4:53 pm

Gaining Perspective about Criticism


Caricature of Dwight Lyman Moody. Caption read...

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Any time that you get a group of people together; there will always be a problem with someone who will criticize what is being done. A question that must be asked is: are critics going to shape the way that organizations operate. We can see this in every level of organizational culture, from the president of the United States, Congress, the Senate, corporations, and small businesses. I have heard it said that, “the squeaky wheel, gets the oil” as an explanation for responding to criticism. Sometimes, we think of criticism as coming from outside sources, but it is true that the most disabling critics are people within the ranks of an organization which disable execution of successful actions.

I served as a pastor for many years and something that I learned in the organizational culture of the church is that every church has a cold water committee. Unfortunately, the reality which has to be faced is that anything worthwhile that will be done will be criticized by some. The fact is that if you are always worried what someone thinks, you will never be able to accomplish what needs to be done.

Criticism is Not Always a Curse

Sometimes criticism is May Be an Indication that your doing something right. There are so many people who are so worried that somebody might say something negative about them, so they just choose to stay quiet, sit on their hands. Dwight L. Moody said. He said, “If no man ever has anything to say against you, your Christianity isn’t worth much.” I have learned that you will never get away from criticism. You are going to be criticized from those outside and criticized from those inside. No matter what you do, someone will not like it.

A cowboy rode up on his horse and looked at the two buffalo, and he said,”You are the ugliest critters I have ever seen. You stink to high heaven, you have those ugly beady eyes, you’ve got those gross stupid-looking humps on your backs, and if I had a buffalo gun I’d blow both of you to kingdom-come,” He turned his horse and rode off.

One buffalo looked at the other one and said, “I believe we just heard a discouraging word.”

You will never get away from discouraging words. Even in the hallowed halls of the church; you will discover an army that will shoot at its own soldiers.

Criticism Can Be Contagious

A solo of cynicism can turn into a chorus of criticism. It is so easy to join with the negative crowd.

Criticism is both caught and taught. It is a symptom of misery and unhappiness that someone is projecting on to an organization. A report can be given of positive successes and the chronic critics will always find something wrong, something that can be criticized. Did you ever notice that when someone begins to criticize, that a question is created that occupies the vacuum of some people’s minds and instead of asking questions, they will say, “yeah me too.” Others will get caught up in the mood of the moment, the mob mentality, and catch a critical attitude. When this is reinforced and not corrected, it becomes an ingrained behavior that is learned and to be stopped must be untaught.

Criticism Demonstrates A Conflict of Values Between Leaders And Followers

When there is a conflict in value systems it defines attitudes about what will be done.Therefore, a person’s character is intimately related to his or her values; personal character rests on the foundation of personal values. A person’s character directly affects how he or she lives life–at the core of all human behavior is a statement of what is valued. As a result, defining the source of conflict is critical to developing pro-active strategies for leading; even when there is a clash of values.

What is it that defines what is done–when there is criticism or opposition? Is it the survival of the species by dominance and destruction of an antagonist, or is it leading and making choices out of one’s character? What we value is a related to our character. Gary Smalley, in the Search for the Soul, said “We are a people who value productivity … human thinkings and human doings instead of human beings. The highest paid people in the world can hit, run, pass better than anyone else, but it is done at the cost of developing the soul … the inner life. We keep soul expansion to a minimum which can rob us of the greatest success … becoming a real– authentic person.” If we value thinking, behavior, or productivity over what is can come as a result of the inner processes of character choices and development, we may be circumventing our own development for a feeling of gratification from a success that is define in a moment in the present. As a result, there will always be in-congruence between who we are, what is communicated, and how criticism is negotiated.

Character directly affects how life is expressed–at the core of all human behavior is a statement of what is valued. Core values affect the character of what is done in an organization or in leadership through a commitment to excellence. A conclusion can be made that criticism can define how organizations develop or leaders can lead organizations to value the right things(or wrong things) and do the work of developing character and instilling values that rise above criticism. I have often told friends that if you don’t manage conflict, it will manage you. You can choose a response, but it’s up to you.

An Observation: When your motives are right and your methods are pure, and you are doing what is right, you don’t have to explain anything to anybody.

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