Category Archives: Influence

March 9, 2013 · 6:48 pm

Boundaries: If Your an Enabler, Don’t Cry When You Get Bit.


Aesop’s Fables records a story called the, “The Farmer and the Snake” that illustrates why boundaries are important to understand how to live life without rescuing people who may no be capable of rescue.

ONE WINTER a Farmer found a Snake stiff and frozen with cold. He had compassion on it, and taking it up, placed it in his bosom. The Snake was quickly revived by the warmth, and resuming its natural instincts, bit its benefactor, inflicting on him a mortal wound. “Oh,” cried the Farmer with his last breath, “I am rightly served for pitying a scoundrel.”

The greatest kindness will not bind the ungrateful [ self focused individuals].

A lesson to be learned here is that creating boundaries in life to regulate relationships and behaviors is a way to manage how much danger, pain, and dysfunction that you are going to experience in life.  We have boundaries at work, in business, on the highway, and even in the park, but somehow people believe that in relationships  everyone will always make the right decisions without clarifying the terms of relationship.

How Do We Get Into No-Win Situations Becoming an Enabler?

It may be hard to face, but enabling says something about the enabler that needs to be understood. People who are enablers think they are helping someone else when in reality they are creating a disability support system. It is magical thinking — a way of romanticizing life with the idealism that that denies the reality reality of  destructive patterns of behavior, irresponsibility, guilt, pain etc. The enabling parent, husband, wife-believes that somehow through these vicarious acts of rescuing and enabling that it will magically make it better.  It is like when a mother picks up her child and kisses the owee’ and magically all the pain disappears. It is a thinking problem that gets us into no-win situations.  In the core thought processes of the enabler there is a fundamental belief that this kind of thing happens to other people, but not to us– I am not like that–  believe the best about people, my family could not do anything like that. This attitude –thinking pattern– creates naivete’ about relationships that exposes your backside to the sharp teeth of the dog named fate –and when it happens, it is painful.

What Do Dogs Do in an Ideal World?

Like snakes ,when dogs are not kept on a leash and when there is not a understanding of how relationships will occur with individuals to regulate what can occur, it is an opportunity for disaster to happen naturally.  — and they do.  The problem with enablers is that they don’t believe ,snakes bite that dogs bark or pee on the corner of the sofa.  After all, they say, “my dog went to obedience school and knows better, he is a dog of high breeding.”  In an ideal world where people are perfectly balanced and have no dysfunction, family system problems, unresolved conflicts, or emotional baggage, people do not need to be on a leash, but we all know that snakes and dogs will always be true to their nature, no matter how pretty they are –too bad that life does not occur in a ideal world.

Translated by George Fyler Townsend. Aesop’s Fables (p. 19). Amazon Digital Services, Inc.

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February 16, 2013 · 9:10 pm

Point of View: How Perspective Influences Cultural Trends and Communication


Railroad tracks

A Narrow and Vanishing Perspective

I only have one opinion so it is the only one I can give.  I know that sounds narrow minded and resistant, but isn’t that really what it boils down to with everyone?  However, the problem with opinion is that many time opinions are irrelevant in an atmosphere of constant change of culture and communication technology.  As a result, one of the challenges in modern world is to understand the speed that culture is changing right before our eyes and how the communication of ideas is in constant state of flux.  Therefore,  on the high speed information network, the challenge reinforces a constant need to adapt to changing constructs and to understand that there may be an inhibited ability to comprehend the rate that information passing before our eyes is  feeding a blurred generational and cultural myopia.  In a world  where a narrow perspective is vanishing, some people may ask: Does any generation have an absolute truth or a point of view that is constant, timeless, and irrefutable through all of time, generations, and cultures to balance information contained in the communication of ideas?  Obviously, while there are differences about the answer, the ideas that many people hold as timeless principles of truth seems to be quickly vanishing in the milieu of ideas and being edited within the context of modern culture. A strong point of consideration about information and communication in a world that is technology bound is the strong evidence to suggest that the happenings of culture today are affecting, not only what subjects are relevant to the times, but how communication occurs in the 21st century.

In recent blog post Ed Stetzer (2011) cited Adlai Stevenson who stated, ‘”That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in another.’ He did not have a particularly high view of the next generation, but he does challenge us to consider the radical changes in thinking that are sometimes seen between generations” (Stetzer).   The apparent point to be understood is that every generation has a perspective that shapes contemporary beliefs— what is deemed important—values that form a perspective about level of importance of certain ideas.  In addition, it is not just the message of communication and values that is important, it is the fact that methods of communicating from the past are vanishing and being replaced on the super highway of technology. Consequently, what is apparent from an understanding cultural transformation in the 21st century is that a present cultural perspective is shaping point of view and validating the principle that both the vehicle and the message in every generation creates a shift in how people in a given generation arrive at a destination that they believe is truth and in a vehicle that the present generation creates its own mind-set.

Just as people from different cultures, races, and people groups think differently about important issues, generations are cultural subgroups of the macrocosm of human existence.  It is evident that each  thinks differently about matters of  believed to be of importance.  However, remember that successive generations hold a different point of view that is emerging and is relevant to the time.  Therefore while people may disagree, different perspectives are worth taking time to consider. It is said that one thing common to every generation is how the collective perspective is internalized. Ed Stetzer  (2011)  cited George Orwell’s perspective, which states that “Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it and wiser than the one that comes after it” (Stetzer).  Someone from a past generation may ask: Are current generations really more intelligent or are earlier generations wiser?  Obviously, the answer depends on perspective – what it looks like from where you are standing or pontificating.

What perspectives are influencing the way life is understood in the 21st century?

The perspective, the unique way life is understood today, is a sociological and cultural phenomenon. For those who want to deny reality and continue to ignore what is shaping the point of view of the emergent culture of the 21st century only creates frustration and disconnection, which does not offer any substantive answers or a reasonable framework to understand reasoning behind current ideals.

Ideologues and philosophers offer suggestion about what is occurring, but unfortunately understanding ideals and philosophy alone will not provide efficacy that creates effective communication. Ideals, are generally moral ideas or mores’ based on certain group identification that create expectations about how people should think or act. Philosophical assumptions are the ways that beliefs are rationalized into reason.  Thus forming, the informational content of perspective. Values or axiology has more to do with what is deeply felt, importance, passion, and motivation that affect beliefs. For example, the   felt importance of something believed to be true.  When tension deposited in life experience that conflicts with values, it results in conflicting ideas about importance that creates a  disconnect between perceptions and experienced reality.

The question is formed: Who/what is right how can the way values are felt be rationalized with experience that does not match a reality believed?  Unfortunately, I find myself at odds with most idealist and the emphasis upon what should be and find myself focused upon what emerging culture is saying. As a point of reference something that needs to be understood is how to  connect perception to reality.  Consequently, the constant flow of information  redefines the importance of what seems logical in one generation as information is disseminated and absorbed into successive generations.  Therefore, there is a tension that exists in the message and mode of communication that results in aberrations in what is felt about the information, which places the greatest emphasis upon perspective.

Obviously, anyone can give an opinion about what is wrong with something.  However, knowing what is wrong is not the critical issue in communication of solutions that are workable.  One perspective that some people have is to write people off who look different, think different, and have a differing perspective.  Another point of view is to embrace the culture and learn the language, thinking, and mindset of the 21st century.  Seeing someone else’s perspective is not whitewashing culture or moralizing behaviors, it is asking why do people do that in the way they do and understanding if the desire is to connect, communicate, and build meaningful relationships that we need to understand more than what we know.

With the increasing isolation of people and the desire to have relationships, there is a tremendous opportunity to step outside a solitary opinion and understand people as part of a culture that thinks different than we do.  The opportunity demonstrates a tremendous potential, if we will take time to understand how perception formation is impacting beliefs and governs the content and methods of communication in the 21st century.

Point of View Perspective Beliefs God Theology Church Traditions Statistics Surveys Theory Demographics Communication Context Relationships Unchurched Christian Universalism Philosophy Vision Mission Outcome.

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August 12, 2011 · 3:32 pm

Happiness: Guilt, Criticism, and Projection


Happiness: Guilt, Criticism, and Projection

An interesting thing that I have noticed about people who feel guilty is that they are not very happy and that they invest a huge amount of energy trying to hide– cover up painful or guilty experiences from being known.  Quite often, all of the efforts to hide something– not apparent on the surface has the opposite effect.  In stead of covering up guilt, it is like wearing a badge that says, “I am guilty”.  It does not take a psychologist to figure out that a person who engages in constant criticism of others is a demonstrating a behavior cue that points to unresolved guilt.  Often, the person who is constantly calling attention, implying, suggesting others weaknesses or faults may be shining a light upon something that obviously is wrong and unresolved in the accuser.

Good Guilt v. Bad Guilt

Developmentally, guilt is an emotional warning sign that most people learn during normal childhood social development.  Guilt’s purpose is to let us know when we have done something wrong—to keep life balanced.  Good guilt operates to help us develop a better understanding about bad choice and danger in our personal behavior.  Therefore healthy expressions of guilt prompts a person examine and to re-examine behavior to prevent making the same mistake twice.  Indeed, an examination of the pathology of unresolved guilt reveals negative perceptions of what others do that triggers distorted schemas, paralyzing emotions, and distorted reactions connected to a distorted sense of self that acts like a mirror reflecting what is not seen by others and known by the accuser.  Unfortunately, misunderstood and unresolved guilt leads to depression, anxiety, and frustration that is projected on someone else rather than becoming a positive force toward change or improvement.  Guilt is normally a negative focus coming from a perception of self that moralizes what others are doing and says, “I am a bad person.  I cannot bear myself.  I am unworthy.”

 

Internalized Guilt brings Externalized Behavior

Often I have said that “the things that we notice and hate about others and that we criticize so passionately, is connected to what we hate about ourselves.  Carl Jung said, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people” Unfortunately, the guilt ridden accuser does not understand that criticism is a window into their own darkness.  Often, behavior is hidden so well beneath misdirected concern shared as a concern with confidants, family, friends that infers perceived wrongdoing.  What is really happening is that the guilty accuser uses inference to project their own secretive guilty behaviors on their mirror.  Unfortunately, many of the things that people feel so deeply and are so offensive –we speak so loudly, passionately, so convincingly about point back to self-perception embedded within the neurotic guilt.  Indeed, the ability of guilt to subconsciously influence how perceptions, beliefs, and beliefs about what is seen should not be underestimated, nor ignored.  For instance, in a perfect world of a developing infant, doing, something “bad” is equivalent to murdering all that is good.  As the child develops with a lived-experience of shame, performance based acceptance, and guilt ridden feelings, the inability to dispel the gnawing sense of guilt results in the child owning misunderstood feelings about guilt and he/she enters an “adult– normal society.”  In the adult world, the normal is distorted by the abnormal thinking from development filtered by a perception of life that skewed by feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, and projection.  What happens: the guilt that has been internalized, misunderstood, and unresolved is externalized in projecting behavior toward others when something is seen that feels like the internalized guilt. Then, undigested guilt triggers the guilt-projection system that regurgitates what feels like concern, looks like righteousness, demonstrating rescuing behavior upon others, while calling attention to what is hidden beneath the surface– unresolved guilt that wants to be discovered.

Psychological ProjectionCriticism and Conversations with Guilty People

When I listen to people’s conversations, it sounds like there is something not being said, but is implied.  Quite often it is what is not being said that is more important than what is being said.  For instance, when person helps someone with a situation and someone else gives the pretense of being helpful and recurrent suggestions come up about another person’s faults or problems or even a constant disdain for a particular act, at is the real issue in the conversation?  On the one hand, it may be a person who simply is genuinely concerned, but on the other hand it may be a semantically expressed language cue it that says the person talking is struggling with and projecting internalized guilt.   It makes me wonder if the concerned person really feels guilty about their own internal struggle or particular behavior that no one knows about.   While serving as a pastor, I have had those who felt duty bound to inform me about how certain people are living and taking advantage of their leadership positions and using others.  What is common to all of these conversations is that they are people who represent themselves as crusaders of right, justice, and truth is that they are guilt-ridden people who try to guilt others into conformity and want someone to take up their cause.  Personally, I think about this activity as the subtle work of Satan who is guilty and accuses others of what he is guilty of.  In the book of Revelation Satan is depicted as the one who slanders the innocent and in reality is the one who is guilty.  Therefore, a critical question about this kind of accusation and speculation is motivation.  At this point, a question important to ask is what lies beneath suspicion and why this behavior is happening at this moment?  It may be that there is really a problem that needs to be addressed, but what is the real problem? Consequently, the essential question is why do some people see things that are really not there and act on beliefs that have no substance, evidence, or possess any real real desire to help?  One answer may be that some people have a need to rescue others from what they believe is “bad behavior” because there is strongly embedded guilt that says how bad a person actually feels about self and is motivating criticism, i.e., –the person sees their own failure in the acts of others.  The effort to direct attention to someone else may simply be transference:  an effort to vicariously fix something that feels very wrong in their own life by self incriminating projection of guilt on others. … Neurotic Guilt.

Why does one person believe they are doing right by making someone else guilty– warning, judging, evaluating, devaluing, and invalidating the other persons?

The Voice of Guilt is Saying What?

When a person engages in this kind of destructive inference, crusading to gain support from others, what is the core issue in the accusation? According to Sigmund Freud, it may be projection, which is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one “projects” one’s own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else.  Projection is one of the defense mechanisms identified by Freud that is used when someone feels threatened or feels afraid of their own impulses–, so the accuser attributes these impulses to someone else.  What is apparent among people, who make it their life’s mission to constantly criticize without sound reasoning and responsible approaches to relationships with others, is that the critic has an unresolved problem.  It is guilt– the feeling– that comes to the surface when something witnessed in others –a trigger activates  recognition of a feeling associated with a past behavior — “a been there done that experience.”  An important revelation  about constant accusing  is that recurring critical activity may be an open confession of unresolved feelings of guilt and self-esteem issues that are being attributed to someone else.

The Blame Game and What is Really Being Said

Throughout the history of the human race it is well documented that people have been struggling with guilt while denying responsibility.  The Bible records the story of creation when, Adam and Eve sinned; then, made leaves to cover up while knowing what they had done wrong.  Obviously, they did not want to take responsibility for what had happened. Therefore, the response of Eve was to pass the blame on, “it is the serpent that caused the evil act. “  The response of Adam was that it is the woman that you gave me Lord.  Guilt makes people project cover up because they are ashamed and understand that something is wrong and needs fixed.  Guilt makes people accuse because drawing attention to others behavior deflects attention away from the self –the guilty party.  Also, the fear of being exposed motivates people to project judgment for wrong doing upon someone else. Projecting guilt and packaging it in  criticism is a way of verbalizing how deeply perceptions of right and wrong— good and bad affects feelings of personal well being and personal security of the acuser.    Something to think about is that as long as attention is focused on what is wrong, what is being hidden, energy cannot be focused upon what is possible or what can make life effective, nor can you be happy.   Chaplain Murrill 04/27/2012

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May 7, 2011 · 11:12 pm

Hope as the Pathway and Agency for Success in Any Venture


Hope is What We Express About Life That is a Bridge To The Future

The ability to express hope through challenging circumstances is an essential element to create success in the ventures of life.  Expressing hope is the act of building a bridge that over circumstances–opposition paving a way to desirable outcome in the future.  Almost everyone is concerned about effectiveness– how to find success in life that creates the momentum to get where we want to arrive. many available studies support the assumption that hope is a key component that distinguishes how well an individual navigates through challenges. Therefore, the influence of hope upon life can be measured in qualitative terms that relate to physical health, higher academic functioning, interpersonal functioning, athletic performance, psychosocial adjustment, capacity for self-regulation, and superior ability to face and overcome obstacles.  On the other hand a lack of hope can be connected to individuals being easily confused by obstacles, avoidant, ineffectiveness and the absence of  heartiness through life challenges. When factors are considered about why some people succeed and why others do not, there may be many factors contributing to success, but the single mitigating factor that empowers success– even when other deficiencies exist– is the presence of hope.

An effort to define hope might provide some insight about what it is, what it does, and how it is expressed. Some common definitions of hope are to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment, or to have confidence; trust, to look forward to with confidence or expectation. In life, we hope that our children will be successful, the sun will shine, and that everything will always work out. The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God‘s help.  The idea of hope in general terms is an expectation that motivates life in the present with a belief that the future hold possibility that can be achieved.   Hope is a way of expressing life that builds a bridge to the future.

In the Christian approach to hope a Biblical definition of hope is “confident expectation.”  Hope is a firm assurance regarding things that are unclear and unknown (Romans 8:24-25; Hebrews 11:1,7).  Christians believe that hope in the present and in the future is a confident expectation that is based in essential beliefs about God and His oversight, involvement, and control over what happens in life.  For Christians, who understand the basis of their beliefs,  hope is an essential ingredient in the life expressed upward toward God and outward toward goals (Proverbs 23:18) . In times of distress, when faced with despair and loss, there are situations where life loses its essential meaning  and zest (Lamentations 3:18, Job 7:6). When faced with death and times when  there is no apparent hope (Isaiah 38:18, Job 17:15), Christian hope supplies a way of organizing belief into confident expectation that those who put their hope in God will receive assistance(Psalm 28:7).  Therefore, Christians believe, and will not be perplexed, put to shame in their hope (Isaiah 49:23), and will be vindicated as they place hopeful expectation in God.  As a result,  hope and belief is a general attitude of confidence in God’s protection– help (Jeremiah 29:11).  Therefore, hope frees Christians from fear and anxiety (Psalm 46:2-3).  Christian hope is based upon beliefs and assumptions about, God, good and evil, life, eternity and life in the present.  Hope provides momentum to live with expectation that God is guiding what is happening to a positive outcome.

One issue of interest is how hope energizes and infuses life with momentum to move ahead. Hope provides a clear way that can reduce the power of obstacles to disable supplying an attitude that enables reaching forward with a belief that success is attainable.  As a result, attention is drawn to how hope can be increased in how an individual approaches life.  Is there a road to happiness and a set point that can be achieved that happiness can be measured, believed to be normative as a maxim?  An equally important issue to understand is that a state of happiness is a subjective condition.  If someone asked you to describe happiness what would the story contain for you?

Research has shown that automatic assumptions of happiness are often incorrect.  Often hope and happiness are associated with feeling good about what is occurring.  In fact, what is true is that people who feel good in certain circumstances, like winning the lottery, actually become unhappy, dissatisfied and loose hope in life.  Carl Maslow illustrated that people feel a better sense of well-being when they have basic survival needs met rather than monetary gain.  Lifestyle always rises to the level of income and beyond and what happens is that possessions or positions in life do not seem to bring happiness and hope.  People get on the hedonistic treadmill trying to find happiness and gain hope but, “the abundance of life is not in the things we possess” (Jesus).  Often people assume that happiness and having hope is a result of what happens to people in life.  However, it is not what happens to people; it’s how they construct and interpret those events, it is how you mindfully experience those events.

A key to hope, a road to happiness is emotional well-being.  People who have hope in life and experience emotional well being are people who are virtually engaged in life– grounded in meaning and purpose in life.  To be happy, to have hope means being fully involved with every detail of life.  A life driven by purpose, calling, a sense of belonging and fitting where you are is critical to feeling positive about what is taking place in existence.  When people are fully engaged in life with a sense of fitting, belonging– owning a place in life– engaging in positive relationships, then attention redirects our energy away from negatives which are destructive, limiting, defeating activity that drain vitality from life.  You may have heard the expression, “time flies when you are having fun.”  Another way to understand this is a state of grace, a “flow state.”  The experience of flow happens when you are able to be completely caught up in what you are doing and time flies.

Meeting the challenges of life with hope increases the flow of life that sets an expectation that sees a life that has possibilities, even when faced with extreme opposition.  What occurs in the hope transaction is that alternative routes to reach outcome are discovered, then implemented through pathways thinking.  “Pathways thinking” means that when the first route you try is blocked, you can produce alternative routes to get to a destination by thinking flexibly and are able to change course as needed. A challenge faced when attempting to cultivate an increased hope is to how to cultivate thinking patterns that connect to alternatives rather than boxed in solutions. A principle  of hope is that hope is a learned experience as well as a motivational feeling experienced, which indicates that hope both a phenomenon and a mindset.

Hope is embraced as a principle in thinking when hope has agency.  “Agency thinking”  is thinking with efficacious belief, a sense,  that the desired goal can be reached.  Borrowing from a Biblical principle in Hebrews 11:1; “faith” in Christian thinking is stirred by reciting, vividly recalling successful ventures of faith in the past.  The “evidence of things hoped for”  is in the record of those who have the story of success presented in a history of belief.  Individuals who spend their time reciting their failures or being reminded constantly of failure are not likely to accomplish much.  However, when there is a sense of agency and belief is cultivated through celebrating success and failure jointly (on the road to success), then high hope can be instilled that enables accomplishment.

One thing that is for sure in life is that there are always people who can convincingly tell you why you cannot succeed. However when you want to succeed, a bridge to the future must be constructed with faith, hope, and belief and it needs to begin today, without delay.

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May 2, 2011 · 1:12 am

Bitterness: Drinking Poison and Wishing Someone Else Dies


Bitterness_poison

What happens to a person when they are exposed to continual invalidation, while feeling the pain of rejection, isolation and then made to believe that what they are feeling is  not important enough to be heard?

If you have not had that experience, you will not understand what I am talking about.   After serving others for most of my life in pastoral ministry and having the unfortunate experience of having Thyroid cancer, being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and subsequently, losing a wife to Cancer; I felt invalidated by life, the church, and everyone that I had given my life to serve.  My experience was that when I was transparent enough to share with the church, the deacons, and leaders that I was very sick,  I was pressured out of my  position by a group of religious haters. If it sounds like unresolved anger that needs expressed, let me assure you that I was angry and had good reason to be angry with people that I had invested in and who were only interested in what they wanted, while I felt so sick.  I am here to tell you from  an experience of wishing certain (unnamed) people would eat crap and die that bitterness is a counterproductive emotion and only hurts the person who is bitter.

So, I moved away and in my new location, I do not have the constant reminder that comes from seeing the people who  talk about expressing love, acceptance and mercy, but give judgment, pain, and isolation.  If that sounds serious, it is, the Bible says, “to shun the very appearance of evil” and they were acting evil so I obeyed the command and made a clean break.  As a recovering church and ministry junkie, I know now that I lived inside a religious life that only offered redemption as a concept and not as a practice.  Personally, I felt like I was  victimized by religious do gooders when, in fact, the problem was I had a distorted perception of reality.  I somehow thought Christians would be Christians when called upon. However, this belief could not have been further from the truth– people always act in their best interest and out of their own need justifying what they do.  The problem is that religious types do not want to admit that and believe that their actions are always spiritual.

Unfortunately, the assumption is not true and the result is misunderstanding, about the character of human behavior.  When a person has false expectations about people and life, then that individual ends up disillusioned and disappointed by the false ideas believed.  Disillusionment leads to failure in life, bitterness about experiences and alienation from the church.  What experience has taught me is that the church is ill-equipped at helping people who have problems. What the church is good at is creating emotional invalids, people who cannot think for themselves, and creating conformity.  The best organization in the world is the church of the Lord Jesus Christ, but it is made up of people who are a part of an organizational system that has no fail-safe approach for people who experience problems outside of the box.  What is a person to do when all that is right goes wrong leaving you in a pile ruins, then in one fell swoop everything is lost, hope is gone, and you’re left alone?

I remember when I sat in the hospice with Linda who was dying with colon cancer and thinking– remembering about how many times that I had been there with other families who had a family member dying.  I remember asking myself, “Where are those people that I served and where is the church, the pastor, the family now?  Death is one of those solitary experiences that you have to go through alone, but it is a time that no one should be alone.  If you want to invalidate someone, leave them alone when they get older and when they are dying.  I remember very clearly the isolation and loneliness of those moments.  I had just had a TIA, my sugar was out of control, my wife dying of cancer and life was ebbing away.  I sat there and waited hoping that someone would come.  I called and talked on the phone with my mother-in law who had told her dying daughter that she had received a word from God that she was going to be healed, repeatedly telling her that she did not have enough faith—she invalidated her in her dying moments in the name of a religious mysticism. Further invalidation came when she called and told me that I should take her out of Hospice because that was where people went to die– we did not have enough faith.  I understand that it was her fear of the reality of death, the children’s inability to deal with their mother’s death that explained the confusing behavior.  Meanwhile, I sat there day in and day out– around the clock wondering when someone would come.  People trickled through occasionally, sporadically– but no one really came who stayed, who invested, who made a difference.  It was not until the last week that Linda lived that her mother, dad, and brother finally came.  On the phone I had to tell her mom, if you do not come, you may never see her alive again– then she came.  How can a person ever get over that and get on with life?  What I discovered through this process is that I had faulty notions about people that made me believe that if they were really Christians they would show love, if they were family, they would show respect, if he was a pastor, he would show care, but it did not happen and I was disappointed.

What I discovered is that, generally, people are the same inside and outside the church.  The difference is that people inside the church have one set of answers about life and people who are outside the church have another set of answers.  People do act according to their personal interests, needs, and beliefs.  I believed that, somehow, people would act as I thought that I used to– go sit, pray, or give support.  The result, for me, was I got disappointed.  The point is that I thought they should, would– show interest and it made me angry, and not for myself, but that people could show such a lack of interest or could not feel a need to inconvenience themselves for someone who had cared about them throughout life.  At the end of the day, the anger that I feel has not gone away about injustice, but I have learned to manage what I felt, experienced, and is a reality. The unfortunate thing is that when such emotionally charged memories become a part of existence that it changes life forever.  I will probably never get over what has happened, but living with bitterness is no more an option that living false beliefs and expectations about people.

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April 23, 2011 · 3:56 pm

Easter: Spiritual Life and Invalidation at the Cross


Blackberry_july_2010_111

All around the world Christians are remembering the darkest day of history when sinful men crucified a sinless savior on the cross. The attitude characterized in the conversation of the crowd gathered around the cross portrays the emotional abuse heaped upon Jesus in this hour of darkness. The religious leaders mocked Him on the cross publicly humiliating Him invalidating the deity of Jesus or His power to save Himself, nor anyone else.

The physical abuse and suffering from the scourging, repeated beatings, now magnified in public humiliation intensifies the rejection. The pain coupled with emotional abuse and rejection in the moments of His death by religious leaders and driving the nails a little deeper, increasing the pain. Magnifying the rejection and pain, “In the same way the rebels who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him” (Matt 27:44) demonstrating the darkness of depravity on this day. The religious crowd set the example and paved the way, stirring the hatred and,” From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land” (Matt. 26:45). It was a dark day demonstrating the capacity of people at their worst, who could show hatred and physical abuse in such a public way. Emotional abuse and invalidation in such a painful way, showing the day of spiritual darkness upon the earth revealing the emptiness and depravity of men. The day that Jesus hung upon the cross shows men’s hearts darkened by the power of sin– the absence of light, and the invalidation of hope.

The crucifixion is a day that is a reminder of sacrifice and a gift that Christ gave to those who will believe, it is a day of remembering that humans have not moved far from the foot of the cross. The gift of God on the cross, the ability to believe, a potential to experience life on the other side of the cross, on the other side of the tomb, and on the other side of life is available today to those willing to look through the darkness and see the “Lamb of God who Takes away the sins of the world.”

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April 20, 2011 · 1:06 pm

Manipulation: Who is Ringing Your Bell?



The funny thing about human behavior is that while people think they are in control of their experiments at manipulating behavior, it may actually  be the other way around. Some people pride themselves with feeling that they are always in control knowing exactly what is going to happen, massaging everyone and everything, to get a response that meets a person goal– need. However, before victory is declared, take a look at things from the dogs perspective.  The dog, also, believes that he is in control because he has learned that if he will just do what is expected that Pavlov will respond– he gets what he wants.  Something to think about today is who is manipulating who?  In a system, group of people, everyone gets some benefit from the bell ringing, the question is who or what is ringing your bell? That is the control….

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April 12, 2011 · 12:35 am

Stewardship: Sit, Fish, or Fly Away?


Stewardship:Sit, Fish, or Fly Away

The ability to make good decisions is a mark of intelligence and problem solving ability.  Having too many options in the midst of opportunities can result in sitting on a stump, beating your wings and getting nothing accomplished.  After all, when I look around, there is no one around to compare myself with, no one to compete with, so what should I do? I could just sit here and look like I am doing something or will I be forced to make a decision? Sooner or later, I will have to decide; will I starve to death from doing nothing and fly away, so I can fish another day or will I use the opportunity I have today? How can I be a good steward while sitting on a river that is full of fish; doing nothing and thinking about flying away?

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April 6, 2011 · 3:53 pm

Spirituality and Knowledge: Culture Shifting Emphasis from Content to Skill Development


Knowledge levels

Knowledge Acquisition, Theory or Reality?

Knowledge Dissemination in the 21st Century

In USA Today (March 5, 2009) Greg Toppo’s article, “What to learn: ‘core knowledge‘ or ‘21st-century skills‘?” describes a changing emphasis in how knowledge is ranked on a gradient of importance in contemporary American culture. “At least 10 states have committed to helping students develop these “21st-century skills” in schools, the workplace and beyond” Analysis points to an effect that technology has the value of knowledge in an emergent culture.

Toppo reports, “a Massachusetts task force concluded that straight academic content “is no longer enough” to help students compete:” that de-emphasizes theoretical content based knowledge while it emphasizes a shift toward technological skill proficiency “That drew a rebuke from The Boston Globe, … it’s ‘”not clear that the approach can be implemented without de-emphasizing academic content’” (Toppo, 2009). Change in emphasis in educational delivery systems is an indication of how what is happening in culture is being driven by economic, industrial, cultural, and technological differences that are not only changing the application of knowledge, but how value is assigned.

What is apparent is that the influence of constantly changing media platforms cannot be underestimated as having significant influence upon changing the way knowledge is communicated as well as the importance of what knowledge is communicated.   My question is can a society be reformed how culture processes knowledge without having an impact upon beliefs, values, and practices in the matter of spirituality?

A point of view held from a Christian perspective is that postmodern information technology has replaced validity found in theological, philosophical and historical authority through media driven messages, advertising, punting idiolology in a construct where knowledge is a subjective matter.

Contemporary evidence of this can be observed by considering the plethora of sources of knowledge; spiritual teachers, television preachers, and Internet technology—offering knowledge challenging the theology of mainline churches. The result is felt in frustration experienced by conservative Christianity in understanding that what was once knowledge found in a system of thought is now subjugated to the popular beliefs of entertainers, politicians, or musicians. Therefore postmodern technology developments have shifted information processing constructs i.e, “Knowledge can be described in terms of an intellectual — and spiritual –marketplace” (Adams, 1997).

This is demonstrated by Thomas Guarino (1996) presents a point of view saying that, “Postmodern thinkers reject foundationalist ontologies [sources of knowledge] of all types because these philosophies seek to ‘close down’ effective history, to end historical consciousness” (Guarino, 1996).  Therefore, the source of knowledge about spirituality in matters that are religious and non-religious has been deligitimated. The source of authority in knowledge is now located in the many voices of consumer driven media messages communicating a changing value system of knowledge.

A fundamental question hinges upon whether it is right or wrong?  Obviously, that depends upon your view of knowledge in an accepted value system held.  It might be better to recognize it being what it is than spending time in criticism of the change.  A better question is related to effectiveness in the 21st century economy and culture.  If what is held as a personal belief system is important enough to feel it needs to be preserved, then maybe we should spend time thinking about how to communicate the message, definition, and meaning of spirituality in a technological– media driven culture that has embraced collaboration as a mediator for knowledge.

References

Adams, D. L. (1997). Toward a theological understanding of postmodernism. Retrieved March 30, 2011, from Crosscurrents: http://crosscurrents.orh/adams.html

Guarino, T. (1996). Postmodernity and five fundamental theological issues [electronic version]. Theological Studies , 57 (4), Retrieved from EBSCOhost March 30,2011.

Toppo, G. (2009, March 5). What to learn: ‘core knowledge’ or ’21st-century skills’. Retrieved 6 2011, April, from USA Today: http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2009-03-04-core-knowledge_N.htm

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April 2, 2011 · 6:09 pm

What is Most Important?


The most important thing not obvious in the heat of life; creating urgency in the moment is not what people fret about, nor what is possessed, certainly, it is what is absent–what is needed to filled the emptiness of pressing, unmet emotional needs to bring focus clarity, and peace.  (RLM)
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